11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
