Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
