I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
