I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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