So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
