well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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