we have pet lesbian snakes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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