you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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