she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
