So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
