i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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