I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
