I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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