I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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