I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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