I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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