i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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