OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
