I intend to get homeless drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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