everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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