girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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