Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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