He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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