Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
