i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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