look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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