you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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