At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
