Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
