Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize