I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm bleeding and have questions
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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