i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
