I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
