The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
