break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
