My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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