I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
