just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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