I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
