youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize