Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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