last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
