I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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