I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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