I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
