as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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