do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
