I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
