Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
