I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
