I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
