I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize