Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize