The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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