At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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