Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
