I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
