i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
