Don't you send me to vm
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love having hate sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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