yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
