I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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