You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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