Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
