so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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