So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
