Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
