just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my sisters under your porch take her home
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
