I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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