R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
