just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
