I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
