Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
