So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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