The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
