I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
