I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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