Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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