Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
