she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We have started to decorate penises.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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