I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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