just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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