The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
