just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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