the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
