i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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